Friday, March 23, 2007

Funny little epiphany

Jacob is going to be in Grade one in a few months. He is finishing kindergarten in a few months and then after summer break he will be in school from 8:30 - 2:30 every single day.

Doesn't seem like a big deal eh? Well last night it took my breath away. Literally took my breath away and blood rushed right to my head and I actually felt sweaty and clammy just thinking about it. Panic attck? Fear? Disbelief? RELIEF? I have no idea...but if I close my eyes and think about it, I feel that way all over again.

I've been doing alot of thinking about Jacob in the past oh - five years or so. He has been the most challenging and interesting of the three children. He has been the most idle and the most spirited. He has been the most loveable and the funniest. All three of the children are special in their own ways - Jennifer is the gentlest and has the softest heart, William is the smartest and has the driest sense of humor....but there is something about Jacob that just throws us all off balance - it always has really. And I think last night I was all of a sudden faced with the reality that this baby, this child that we have struggled with for so actually growing up. Sure he is still flipping out at every opportunity. Sure he is still hard to get along with and so ANGRY so often...but he is also helping me cook supper, he is calling friends on the phone, he is sleeping through the night, he is doing things for himself and holding conversations with adults that are sensible! And in school he is one of the sweetest, most considerate, most helpful and pleasant children there.

I think last night I just realized that we are really and truly getting there. The light at the end of this tunnel is becoming more than a is getting bigger and bigger...and a part of me is sad to see it so (a BIG part of me)...there is another part of me that just is so happy that we made it through...and everybody still in one piece too! No small feat let me tell you. :)