Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The bi-annual breakdown defined....

So I had a bit of a breakdown on Saturday morning. I generally try to limit that three hour period of tears, panic and all around hysteria to about twice a year. Usually it is preceded by James being an idiot (sorry honey), Jacob being out of control (which happens often) or me spreading my time and energy much to thin until I snap (I plead the fifth on how often I skirt the edges of that).

Anyway, so Saturday morning I just lost it. Like completely lost it. James was all set to clean the garden and I literally fell into his arms just sobbing and wailing about God knows what, I don't even remember now...I think it had something to do with the realization that I give and give and give and very often it is unreciprocated. Therefore in my warped and complete manic mind I interpreted this tidbit of information as "Nobody loves me, I am all alone in this cruel harsh world, what have I done with my life?"

Obviously I was insensible with emotion.

So I cried and cried and cried some more. James didn't quite know what to do with me...I do remember seeing the blind panic in his eyes when I started to gasp out insensible words of doom and gloom. And then Mom called and needed me to go up to Corey's pharmacy to get her prescription with her and the waterworks stopped just like someone had flicked a switch in my brain. BOOM. Gone. Just like that. I head upstairs, wash my face and came out with the hint of a sheepish smile on my face.

And really, if I think about it...that's the way it always happens. A few hours of absolute craziness and then it is all over. Never to be seen again for about six months or so. I suppose it is a release of some sort, some defense mechanism that I have perfected to enable me to continue on with this roller coaster of a life I have. Either way, it is done and over and we are none the worse for it all. Thankfully, James is used to it by now...otherwise I presume he would have run for the hills a long time ago. So it is now T-minus 6 months until the next bout...I hope he is ready for it.